Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Take Your Shorts Off

Buffi Neal - Wonderfully DysfunctionalMy son has a pair of shorts that I absolutely detest.  To me, they look like something a corner drug dealer would wear.   To him, they look like they got stripped off the body of an NBA player.  To make matters even more complicated, they were a gift from his older cousin.

So, we begin our morning battle:

“Why do you have to wear those shorts when you have a whole drawer of shorts that fit you?”

“These do fit, Mom.  They’re supposed to be long.”

I hold up the shorts I just bought him.  “Here’s a nice pair.  Why don’t you wear these?”

But The Boy is clever.  “Okay Mom, I’ll wear those tomorrow.”  He runs out the door to catch the bus.

So I look to the experts.  In an article entitled Mothers HaveUnleased the Guns of Wardrobe Warfare, moms are paying $300 for personal shoppers to help their teens dress in age-appropriate fashion. 

I’m speechless and nauseous.

An article by entitled How to Resolve More Clothing Conflicts, encourages parents to bargain with their teens to wear appropriate clothes.  Really?  Bargain? 

All of my research done, I had a battle-plan.

The battle replays.  But this time is sounds like this:

“Mom!  Do you know where my shorts are?”

“I think the new shorts I bought you are in your drawer.”

“No, Mom.  The other shorts.  The long blue ones.  You know Mom, the shorts you hate….”

“Oh, those.  Did you check the laundry basket?”

“Not there.”

“Did you check the dryer?”

“I checked.  Not there either.”

“That’s weird.  Maybe you left them at a friend’s house.”

“What?  Come-on, Mom, where are they?”

“You’re gunna be late for school, pick another pair of shorts.”

The Boy actually wore a nice pair of shorts that morning and every morning after.  I didn’t need to break the bank paying for a personal shopper or come up with clever bargaining technique. 

I used good old-fashioned diversion mixed with Mommy-knows-best.  I did feel a twinge of guilt.  Should I have told him to check the garbage?

How do you handle your teen wardrobe battles?

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